Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Very touching memoir Xiaojuan - Oscar and me

 Editor's Note: If the reader to see the book , in the framework of my research in his research as my second year, he left us alone. The following article is her wife Xiaojuan in his July 2004 written after the death. article words plain, but full of love, each time to see this article, I always kept the tears to flow, only Commemoration economists Xiaokai leave this summer.
Oscar go!
almost midnight when the new day together with the Oscar trickling water walk through the heart, brought back memories of my past in the different hh
1979 - 1983 the first half of our China
1979 Xinhua Printing Plant in Hunan Province Shaoyang I first met Oscar. when we work in the same shop, I typesetting, proofreading him. One day at work, Oscar came to me, told me that my work has a lot of mistakes. He asked I spend all day, like anything, so the quality is not good. I looked at him a serious look, his face red and felt very good laugh and angry. saying a word, just smiled, but was very impressed his responsibility to do things.
me after work every day, practicing the violin for two hours, and then read the novel, over the full comfortable. At that time my colleagues and I live in a dormitory week Lena, and she have nothing to do after work, I feel boring. One day, I asked what her hobbies in high school. She told me love English. I said that I can get you an English teacher. I heard Oscar's English is very good, you can ask him to teach. weeks, Lena said, A man she did not dare go to him. I promised to accompany her a few times before, she then go alone. After work, we went to Oscar's quarters to learn English, I was not trying to learn. Oscar advised me to learn, and I said I do not like English, I like reading novels. accompany several weeks, Lena, I would not go again.
, I, and Oscar to exchange stories, relations gradually close up. I find that very love of reading Kay , and read a lot. He wrote a novel of his, a lot of things. I did not finish high school, can I not like him. back to hear a lot about the story of his imprisonment, but also respect him.
we quickly clear the relationship, his Oscar and their family's experience told me I will hit me and our family told him. He said the week of Lena has some of the things our family had told him. Oscar said that he felt that we connected to the same fate.
Soon, Oscar took me to his house to see him dad. I went to his house, the intimidated, and found their home turned out to be senior cadres. his father that day alone talk to me, asked a lot about the Oscar's problem. I do not know what his answer. finally see Oscar, Oscar asked his father, and I said something. The meeting with the psychological pressure of his house, his father's secretary went to our house survey and found that my mother was mentally ill. his father worried about my mother's mental illness will be inherited to the next generation.
that the relationship between me and Oscar, my mother went to Oscar's place of work, cursed him for a pass . my mother sad and I said, she finally left a laborers (my father is the landlord's son), I was better with a laborers. I think Oscar is a good person, the Government must be wrong case the. What I do not want to be cadres of laborers does not affect me as a worker.
Soon Oscar was seconded to work in Beijing, many people say that Oscar would I abandon to make me mentally prepared. I was do not know what will happen. soon Oscar wrote to me and tell me the situation in Beijing. I do not feel beautiful young age, think they look very ordinary. But since the understanding of post-Oscar, he treated me as the mind of the . But the Oscar to buy all the clothes I can wear, and is my favorite.
Oscar letter from Beijing to persuade me to find my biological father had never met, I then only 20 years old. Oscar told me a lot of friends in prison because they are the descendants of the KMT and the wives and children, family broke the tragic story. He believes that is one of my family. Before long, I went to Changsha to find my biological father. after that meeting, his father was very excited , and fear. I look very much like my father, may be the reason childhood are not together, I did not have much affection for him. But since then, we'd often visit my father. He told me many stories of our family . He said the grandparents, one still in Hong Kong, Taiwan, Chiayi .1990 uncle in years, the Oscar went to Hong Kong to visit a grandfather; 1996, our family went to visit his uncle in Chiayi, Taiwan.
1980 years, the accumulation of my own some money, go to Beijing to visit the Oscar. This time, we as well as the honeymoon, in Beijing, the park enjoy the city, drawing near their voice heard, but also to many museums, read a lot of works of art, according to a lot of photo . But, in my trip back to Hunan, a serious illness, had to get off a train station in Henan, go to the emergency hospital. Hospital and Oscar contact him immediately to lead people. Oscar regardless of when to test soon graduate students, immediately to the hospital. spent the night, my illness has improved. The next day he took me back to Changsha, then back to Beijing immediately examination. This time, I was very moved, that Oscar is a very heavy feeling lasts depend on people.
Oscar soon admitted to the Academy of Social Sciences econometric and published many articles. He told me he heavy workload, but he gave me a week or two to write a letter for me recorded many tapes, but unfortunately moved several times, the tapes are missing out. Later, friends told me that Oscar was introduced to a girl in Beijing, which would allow Oscar to stay in Beijing, and every time he declined.
1980 in the second half, Oscar wrote to me and his father said, we decided the Chinese New Year (1981) to get married. I am a man in Shaoyang our marriage registration office, receive a marriage certificate, prepared daily use items that must be taken to Changsha. One morning at five o'clock, I took my heavy bags, walking home from the train station go back door of my father Oscar, Oscar called desperately to open the door. Oscar as if from a dream to listen to to my cry, pleasantly surprised to open up to me. This matter become good memories Oscar, when he thought of it every time, I always feel sweet honey. our marriage, my father did not want to quiet Oscar , together we have bought some furniture, home to live in the married father Oscar. Although only a few good friends as we celebrate, but we both feel very happy with each other.
married, Oscar back Beijing, I went back to Shaoyang. less than a year, for couples to live together, Oscar in 1982 to give up work in Beijing, at a friend's introduction, with me, transferred to Wuhan University Management. Oscar when the lecturer, reference room in my department. At that time the courses are not taught Oscar material, he self two textbooks. In addition to teach outside the Oscar also write books and articles every day at home, work very hard.
In 1982, I was pregnant, Oscar is too afraid of Wuhan hot aunt sent me to Beijing. After the uncle went to Shenyang summer, this is the first time I saw an aunt and uncle. we are very much like Oscar and I, we live in the Northeast for two months, Oscar in the management of the grassroots cadres Shenyang lectures, we also saw the Liaoning provincial party secretary. left Shenyang, we have been in Dalian, where many Japanese see the construction of Japanese-style house, gave me a deep impression on him. Then, we ship to Shanghai, Wuhan University in Shanghai visited an old friend Zhilong. stay at his house, there are days night, Oscar suddenly exclaimed, to We are all scared up. I rushed to his bed to see, to know he made a nightmare of imprisonment, the body sweating. After twenty years in our life, this nightmare of prison with him life.
1983, I, seven months pregnant, the Oscar will be sent to me from Wuhan, Changsha, his father home, preparing the child born in his house, Oscar told me that this is the Yang Traditional .2 23, was born in Changsha streams, creeks name is gray light of the homophonic, meaning Xiaoxi light. I just finished production, Kay said that his father said, boys and girls are the same, I was not understand why these words. Then I gave birth to her second child only after the boys and girls know that life is very different in the Yang.
as Kay has written two textbooks, met at Princeton University, Wuhan Economic Professor Gregory Chow Department. He is not surprised to see a youth went to college, to write such a high standard of teaching materials, and soon linked to the Ford Foundation to help Oscar scholarship to Princeton Ph.D. . As Oscar's political background, going abroad is not easy to do. Professor Gregory Chow personally Zhao wrote, hoping to offer help, this letter to Zhao Ziyang's Office Office of the President of Wuhan University Liu Daoyu. In Liu Daoyu principals with the assistance of Oscar in September 1983 with only 30 dollars, a person went to Princeton University, studying for his Ph.D. in economics dream.
Oscar to leave China soon to try approach to our mother and daughter to the U.S. to read along. He gave me a week to write two letters, to persuade us to meet the United States with his. He missed his daughter very much a stream, we look forward to the United States, to live together. year , I and streams also came to Princeton University, studying to accompany Oscar.
to the United States, I found that Oscar is not easy reading, Oscar soon face a doctoral qualifying exam. I remember Chow Professor Kay told the test scores are often called, has given great encouragement Oscar. at Princeton University, Ph.D. qualifying examination for CLASS students is not easy, even for Oscar is not easy. small Kay told me two years to study, harder prison than sit for ten years, but no matter how difficult, Oscar is taken seriously. Soon, he passed the Ph.D. qualifying examination.
1985 years, passing the qualifying examination , Oscar began to write ? version written out, he soon found Susan Mcfaddc co-translated into English. As Susan McFadden are very busy, the English version of books published after we arrived in Australia.
Oscar in 1986 knew the Soros Foundation, they Back to School Oscar for the first time to talk about China and the Restructuring of China's reform and I hope he, as representative of the Foundation. As the academic Oscar busy after coming back from China declined, go all out to do his thesis . to do the process of thesis, in addition to eating, sleeping, day and night early in the school In 1987, I was pregnant with her second child, when I was studying all day near the university, but also in each of Princeton University Library 25 weeks to do hourly, to maintain the family economy. just pregnant with her second child, a great response, very ill, day and night trying to sleep, the boss in the kindergarten. Oscar not attend to my heart and one mind to do his doctoral thesis.
In 1987, the scholarship has run out of Princeton, and have to find another way out. Oscar found at Yale postdoctoral financial support from the Soros Foundation. in the sea for us moved to Yale in July. rental of a time Professor of home improvement garage. Oscar is still the main task to revise their papers a week to drive from Princeton, Yale professor of changes to the good part. At that time I was worried about the safety of his car.
were no friends at Yale . we do not understand the medical insurance system, I had seven or eight months pregnant, had never seen the doctor. fetus to eight months, in the Yale School of Medicine of Hunan met a fellow, she is learning to do ultrasound, to help We are free to do the inspection. everything is normal and is a son. Oscar is very happy, and we immediately wrote to Oscar's father. Dad is happy, then I understand that Yang had been looking forward to Oscar a son. quick thinking is born healthy, has spent $ 5,000 of medical expenses, we were not so much the deposit, half paid by the insurance company, the other half paid by the $ 500 of our own after the rest of the reduction due to the low-income . the child with all the things, all are neighbors to us. I am after giving birth, Oscar take me home. The next day, he has to work.
streams, and health and I think at home every day. has a very hard, and few friends to visit us, but our family is very happy. Christmas Day, an old friend of Princeton, Yale Huan position in the holidays with us, we are very pleased.
1988 In the first May, Oscar in search of work. to participate in the U.S. economy, hoping to find some at the interview. soon after, middle of the night he suddenly said call back from the airport, has no taxi. I took two Children in the snow to Kay from the airport home. sky snow, kids in the car because it nipped and tears. Now looking back, do not know how the car was going, how to drive back. The meeting of little help to find a job on the Oscar, the family would help him stamp applications work in the United States. finally get a teaching post at New York University, but because there is no green card can not make the trip. Many friends advised him to apply for political asylum, he not, because he wanted to go back to see his old father, so they did not go to New York.
At this time, Oscar began to apply in other countries, including Australia, Adelaide to get a research . may be overworked, Oscar had a serious illness, high fever to 41-42 degrees, two days of reclaim. I call an ambulance, let him to the emergency room, he was not. I had to come to a nearby school in China medical student there, ask them to give Oscar a doctor to the house, and give us some antibiotics. Look, say there is inflammation, but the medication also subside after the burn, I had to own to take him to the emergency room at Yale hospital stay. day and night, I took my kids and kept watch. doctors can not find a reason. burn did not retreat, we had to go home. The next day the burn was a little back. At this time, Professor Huang Youguang call from Melbourne to our home, that small Kay can go to work at Monash University, to give him a year of teaching. Wong Yau on the phone also said that the Chinese people in Melbourne have a good social circle, to persuade us. So, we gave up in Adelaide work, selected Monash University, Melbourne.
1988 年 6 months, with two children to Florida's Disneyland happy to play a. in the sea to the airport to our family, we Hawaii, playing a few days we have .7 to 2 March at Melbourne Airport, with two children, four boxes, take a taxi to the Monash University's school, get the key to the guest house to live in Monash University Guest House.
Oscar began to work the next day. he was a year of teaching work, and now think of it that is very worried over a year, how are we to do? quickly, Oscar Research up on the track, in the United States began to cast out the article published in top journals. Oscar of teaching into a permanent job, soon to rise a senior lecturer.
1989 years .. before and after, Oscar night sleep, the future of reform in China is very worried. .. on the night before, Oscar dreams of China at war, the morning was so sad, could not resist opening the TV and found that the Chinese government in suppressing the innocent students, Oscar cried holding the TV. This is since I know Oscar, the first time I saw him cry. Oscar for decision for the families of these students and their contributions.
we in the North, but Dingnuo (Dandenong North) to buy the first house, Oscar was very happy. his school work during the day and night at home to write his first book in English Economics, part, he invited Jeff Borland to modify the English at their own expense, took about two years to complete the first draft of struggling. All of the manuscripts, we have been treasure.
1990, the Steven Cheung University of Hong Kong to teach you three months to Oscar . Oscar bought futures in Hong Kong earn all gambled, called to say how to do. I told him off the tears, go home. then I side with two children, while the Japanese restaurants in Melbourne to work the loan. when loan interest is 17%, after listening to Oscar very sad news of losing money, but there is no way. so he came home from Hong Kong, I took my two children to the airport to pick him up, high happy family Xing, told him that as long as the people back, just fine.
1993, our family were getting a passport in Australia, Oscar brought us to teach the Chinese University of Hong Kong. We have the opportunity to help membership, ten years, the first time the family returned to China to visit the Oscar's father. grandfather first saw the grandchildren, joy will not close the mouth. We spent six months in Hong Kong only, and soon returned to Melbourne. Oscar in Hong Kong earn to buy the stock because the company closed down all exhausted. Since then, we summarize the two money.
1994 year, we went to Central America, Oscar taught there. He universities across the United States each month speaking to each place to promote his economic ideas. when I was pregnant with her third child . Oscar went to lectures, the children go to school, I was at home sleeping. We were very contradictory, in the end or not this child? Kay said, you make a decision, I support. Finally, we decided it gave birth to a child. six months after We returned to Melbourne from the United States In 1994 on November 5, Zehua was born, the family were very happy. giving birth at home, I took my three children at home confinement, Oscar went to National Taiwan economy Department for three months.
1995 年 2 months, Oscar back in Burwood to buy a piece of land ready to build a house. due to economic pressures, Zehua just over four months, I find a job in a company, Zehua mother's home to the Cape. At that time, to send their children back and forth to be 3-4 hours per day, 8 hours on the day but also the classes in the evening but also to prepare dinner, it is really very hard life In 1995 October , Oscar's father and brother to Australia, live in our new house, sharing their grandchildren. Christmas, his sister with a family from Canada to visit his father, which is the largest number of our family time together, but also Oscar and his father the most exciting moment.
1997 year, Oscar decided to go to Harvard for two years, the way to the University of Bonn, Germany. Since I do not want to give up my job, so I decided to stay in Melbourne with three children In 1998 July the family received the Oscar back to Harvard, I quit the job. to Harvard, the Oscar was hard to write for his economics, : New Classical Versus Neoclassical Frameworks), is his second was for the English. quickly wrote a for the Department of the.
1999 summer, the whole family to Europe from the United States. Oscar lived with a family, a suburb in the Netherlands Tilburg, rent a car, playing in European countries a large circle. We went France, Britain, Germany, Austria, playing for a month. When Oscar took us out, he was always very happy, especially to see the kids have fun, he was also pleased than anyone else. As a child To go to school, I bring the children back in Melbourne, Oscar still stay at Harvard, completing his studies last six months.
I just returned to Melbourne soon, got the news from China, my mother passed away. I cry every day at home But they can not go back, ready to meet the end of first Peking University and the Oscar, and then deal with her mother's funeral home. is sad, in November, found that our daughter has a brain tumor creek, when Oscar is from the United States to Peking University to teach the way. We arranged a stream of time surgery, Oscar December 18 back from Beijing, streams Dec. 20 surgery, we have in the hospital after a Christmas Day. At this time, Mo University Nash called to tell Oscar, Oscar was promoted to Professor. Oscar put down the phone, sighed and said, the professor's position could not save my daughter.
stream during the operation, I was in hospital with her, Oscar at home to take care of two boys. In order to stream, Oscar Pastor stream around to look for prayers. stream discharged soon after met Victor to the Australian missionary far. Zhiming invited by friends to our home away, for the stream prayer. was a very good prayer, far Zhiming told us that the brain tumor three months after the stream will be completely gone. We simply can not believe, because when the doctor said surgery was close to the brain cells left build-up part of the need to do to get rid of radiation. Three months later, the hospital has been arranged to stream radiation doctor, streams do an MRI and found that brain tumors has not there, so do not do radiation therapy, our to believe in God have kept her and got away. our family is very grateful to God. Although the stream does not do radiation therapy, surgery, streams can not walk. We trained her in the hospital every day to walk, were followed her to school to prepare for college exams. That went on for six months.
Oscar sick
2000 年 4 months, I took my two children back to China with my mother's funeral. just buried his mother's ashes My dad has had lung cancer. Because of these pressures, I was in China with high fever, a serious illness.
processed after my home, I live in the house his father Oscar. He heard many people say that great Oscar may have a Nobel Prize. I was said to him, the Nobel Prize is not important, Oscar's health is the first important. I say Oscar has five years old, no longer hard. His father listened to later, that makes sense. One day, Oscar called Dad. my father said to the Oscar, not too hard, and good health is the first important. Later, Kay said, the tone of my father and say these words before not the same. heard my father say such a thing, the Oscar heart full of happy. Since then, I knew Oscar for his father's every word very seriously listening, and he is a filial son. < br> 2000 年 11 months, to accompany Oscar and I went Zehua Beijing University, Fudan University, lectures, also went to Hong Kong. At that time, I found that Oscar's body is not very good, and a speech to cough. what kind of drugs can not stop coughing. and they do X-rays and found the upper corner of the right lung has a shadow, that is left before the calcification of tuberculosis, and neglected.
2001 in the first half, Oscar went to Taiwan, Shenzhen and Hunan , Nanjing, Shanghai, and other lectures. coupled with the dishes of my father's funeral, he returned home, the body is not good. But then the economic seminar at Monash University to open the network, all the burden upon a person in his , keeping all things. when his body is clearly not. July, the meeting finally completed, but he was almost speechless. was that there is no exercise, Zhang Yongsheng play tennis with him every day, come back they sleep. I hit the phone with eternal life, that will not hit tennis.
8 the end of Oscar time to see a doctor. finished X-ray, the doctor immediately called to do CT. finish the examination, The doctor arranged for him to hospital, when we realize that things are bad .9 25 he went to the hospital for open heart surgery and found that all tumor on the right lung is already advanced lung cancer, the doctors stitched his right lung. neck also has a build-up, so that he could not breathe and had to open a hole in the pipe, put a vent pipe. such Kay woke up from the operating room and found himself to be breathing through the pipes of the pipeline, he scared again do not let me go. From that day on, I waited at the hospital day and night. three children would take care of themselves at home. for two weeks. We have experienced the most painful days, the doctor told us it was advanced lung cancer, we can not surgery, chemotherapy is only temporary. This is the Oscar the first time that anyone in life can not save him, science could not save him.
Oscar determine the main letter. he repent to God, also told me confession, I hope God forgive him. He began reading the Bible every day in February 2002 year also baptized both of us. In the course of illness Oscar three years, God has been sending Christians pray for the Oscar, speaking Bible, Oscar made in 2002, the first witness, a lot of people probably read the In 2003 he made a second witness.
2002 年 6 months, the Oscar went to the United States to meet, and then went to China. I Ze China also went to see Oscar's father, and later went to Hangzhou and Shanghai. Oscar medical treatment in Shanghai, when the results are obvious. we are all very happy. The key think I will have to bring the stream and Hunan, to see Oscar's father, and this is our family last saw Oscar's father.
2002 年 9 months, Oscar's father was seriously ill, Oscar returned to Hunan to see his father one, with want to make him a Christian the future to meet again in heaven. but the father did not believe the 2002 year in October, Oscar once again returned to Hunan, for father's funeral. father left the world, do not know Oscar's disease, or else, his old will be sad. Oscar sick three years, two sisters Yang Hui, Xiaocheng and many good friends have spent a lot of hard work, all aspects of care, adding the latest around to look for drugs and treatment approaches. looking forward to Oscar In 2003 the disease will be better in October, Oscar went to the lake a large lecture, and then go to Taipei. this time, some of Oscar's symptoms worse, we see a doctor in Taipei found that cancer had moved to the back of the spine. We'll catch home arrangements radiotherapy, but radiotherapy reduces the resistance shift the Oscar. In January, he began to reclaim a low grade fever. The doctor thought he might only live one to two months. But the Oscar and boil for half a year, six months Oscar is the most painful half of his life.
Oscar three years in the believer, his life really changed. Oscar believers after the piety of faith it is growing, where the humble self-examination in advance as possible points the position of others for other people think. encountered major difficulties in making decisions or judgments they can not, when earnestly pray always, ask for forgiveness and the gift of wisdom and strength. his attitude towards the students more and more like his father his son, he often personally student paper at home, all the operator again, tell the students what areas need improvement. He often talks with students to go to the beach and tell them what to read, in what direction do papers. He for the students, sometimes with the department steward of the people arguing for the rights of students. For example, last year he brought a huge spring, spent a year, even personally went to his quarters, took him about his seaside paper model. during the year Pang Chun models do very beautiful, made rapid progress, very happy for him Oscar.
Early this year, Oscar was very sick, I asked Oscar, Pang Chun papers doing? small Kay said that his thesis is basically done. This year in April we returned from the United States, small Kama motivated the hospital, waiting for him to discharge, Pang Chun to take him to see the final draft to the Oscar, Oscar with his seriously ill After all the changes the manuscript, wrote the deputy supervisor in the history above the name of Crane, Crane guide Pang Chun hope the successful completion of the thesis. In the last two days before leaving Oscar, then Oscar can no longer see anything, when Pang Chun said: Teacher, I come, Oscar his hand out, shook hands with the Pang Chun. Pang Chun said, crying with Kay, the teacher can not leave, you have to help me finish the thesis. Oscar but shook his head , said he had to go. the third day morning he went away.
Oscar went to heaven!
Oscar ill when many students and friends are accompanied by Oscar, as well as nephew Yuan Yuan, They helped me day and night according to Gu Xiaokai. Also, the church's friends Oscar prayer singing hymns, so that Oscar has a calm mind to meet his Heavenly Father. Eddy school prayer will do for our family three weeks of food, sent home, and my God Monther-Alieen also a great help to us. We are very grateful family. the last few days, we follow the wishes of Oscar, the Oscar to stay at home rather than hospital until he the last moment of life.
Oscar more than a month away from us. For our family for as long this time of years. every corner of the house have left the shadow of Oscar, the ever-present appeared before me. The most sad is that in the evening, as I like a lost soul, not stability, everywhere are looking for Oscar, hope to see him again. Oscar is not, we do not know how to do. Such pain can only sense can not explain in words. Oscar is part of my life, but God took him to heaven, and I still stay in this world. It seems that my life is cut in half and told my whole life in pain, can not live. I cry every day before God, with tears asking God to give me peace, so that I do not miss Oscar. usually I am a very optimistic person and never want to die thing, but small Kay was gone, dead to me not a fear thing, but the things I look forward to.
, thank God, Oscar left me three lovely children. Every time I see Our daughter brook to see the Oscar's image, to see her moving speech following the Cheng Xiaokai ability, writing talent, confidence and wisdom of life, there is great compassion. When I saw the eldest son Zesi eyes, think of Oscar dedication, honesty, great sense of responsibility to the family. When I kissed my lovely son Zehua, his lively, intelligent, clever reminds me of Oscar. Then I know that Oscar did not leave me. his three children lives in our body. To Oscar and my children, I should be strong to live, raise their adult, when I went to heaven meet with him, as he went away, as I said to him.
Oscar Although left us, but his economic, constitutional and literary thought from the students he loved inheritance flourish, he once said to me , his students like a beautiful peach flowers will bloom all over the world!
one night, he had a dream to walk together with the Father on the beach. the sky flashed on fragments of his life, in every segment, he left the two groups were noticed footprints on the beach. a group of his own and the other is the Father. When the last came a time when a fragment, He found that whenever he is in the most painful and uncomfortable when the sand is always only one set of footprints. He puzzled and asked to God: together. But why when I most painful and uncomfortable time, on the beach, leaving only one set of footprints? I do not understand. why I needed you most, you will leave me! ah! because in that time, I was to hold you. br> Kay is gone, his heart and soul will always be with me in a ...

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